I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
