Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
