Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
