i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
