U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
