One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
