my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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