she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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