We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
