He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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