just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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