My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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