8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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