he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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