I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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