im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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