Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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