Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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