we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
