guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
