he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
