I got chris browned last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
