I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
