i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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