3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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