dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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