I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
