Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
