last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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