we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
