dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
