Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
