When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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