Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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