im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
