who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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