I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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