I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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