what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
