you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
