If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
