my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
