Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
