sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
