so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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