Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
