11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
