Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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