I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
