i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
