I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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