ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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