remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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