Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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