I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
