do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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