Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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