we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
