She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
