Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I skipped work to stalk him.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
