We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
