Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
