butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
