my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
