Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
